The Real Way to Stop Self-Sabotage (it is possible)
“I just had to leave. It was my only real option to leave and never come back!”
A successful, 48 Year old woman, who spent years building her expertise as a software programmer and project manager, was beaten down and felt helpless and worthless.
She was done with her ideas not being heard and others taking credit.
She was done with wanting things to change and her projects needed changes unwanted.
She was done with feeling a deep feeling she brought from her childhood- not being enough.
It felt so bad she couldn’t drag herself into work.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be promoted after going for it 3 times and 3 No’s”
The woman on the other end of the call, a 54 Year old with over 25 years of excellent experience in her field in large corporations. She felt permanently stuck. At her age, retirement and fulfilling her dreams is now on the MUST DO NOW list.
She talked about her bosses, boss not being supportive of her moving up.
She talked about her boss being a micromanaging bully who shames her in meetings.
She needs a plan and an avenue for her career growth.
She can’t wait for others to be in charge of her career.
Each week I get reminded of one of the biggest problems facing professional women today.
Talking with career focused women by the hundreds each month, I notice a few common, yet subtle clues that point to deep consciousness programming.
Programming that points to giving away energy.
Programming that leads to not holding one’s space in the world.
A clue to me that there needs to be a deep change.
The dreaded “I’m sorry”. UGH……
We are trained from an early age to excuse ourselves.
We are scolded and scolded.
“Say you’re sorry….”
Sorry is great when we hurt someone or offend them.
When I met Milijana she was feeling pretty low about her inside self.
Even though she was an award winning weight-lifter and strong on the outside, her worthiness was low.
Milijana is like so many women I work with….things look pretty good on the outside,
but the agony on the inside…..
Heck, even married to a dashing professional athlete, she wasn’t where she wanted to be at all.
Lots of ideas.
Lots of education.
Lots of confusion.
Not enough Self Worth.
Building a future from here is impossible.
The truth is,
Putting Others First and Other Lies
Years go, sitting on an airplane, overloaded with stress on the way home from a long business trip, I had an AHA moment. An aha moment that shook me to my core.
The pre-flight announcement came on…blah, blah….blah (tune it out this is my 3,456th flight!).
“Put your oxygen mask on first….”
Lights came on in my over stressed heart and soul.
My stress level was because so many people, places and things demanded my attention.
So many small and large priorities took my energy away from me and there was never enough coming in to fill me up.
The One Problem With Job Loss that Everyone Overlooks
Every day I talk to a potential client who has lost her job.
She is scared and unsure.
She is worried about her money, her future and whether she can get her career on track!
She is worried that if she doesn’t get the next job she will be ruined and each day, week and month that lingers with no job, the stakes get higher and higher.
SO the desperation increases.
Desperation increases the chances of no job or one that has to be gotten as a consolation prize!
Self-Confidence is born in us!
When I look at my granddaughter, I see limitless potential. She’s only 16 months old, but she’s fearless and full of joy.
Exploring the world. Venturing out. Asking for what she wants.
Fighting when she doesn’t get it.
Saying NO to what no longer feels good.
And she NEVER settles until she gets EXACTLY what she wants.
As annoying as it is sometimes, (more for her mother, of course)
I think to myself, “This is the spirit that creates success.”
We were all born with that spirit.
But the older we get, the more we start ignoring it.
Stephanie’s Story: An Introvert’s Guide to Career Power
LISTEN TO THE PODCAST
“Do I have to be someone else to get ahead?”
“Can a natural introvert still stand in her power and make an impact?”
These are common questions I hear as a career coach.
When we think of making an impact we often imagine the charismatic speaker, the dominant boss, the political savvy game player.
These people may get ahead in more traditional ways, but it is not necessary to be a success.
Yes, you— the body of feelings and memorized thoughts.
Your body and your mind have become one.
Over time you have memorized how it feels to be you.
So, what happens each day?
You repeat all the thoughts and feelings you have had over the last (several) decades.
You are the same person day in and day out.
Yup- you shower, you brush, you eat, you exercise, but all the while you keep thinking and feeling the same!
You continue to reinforce the same YOU!
That is all great if you have the life you desire.
How to Use Your Future Self to Guide You Now
She wasn’t happy with her same ‘ol, same ‘ol job!
Feeling stuck in a steady job as a mother of 2 small children and being the wife she thought she needed to be. (Mo, I’m not sure why I felt I needed to do everything to keep the plates spinning!)
After our first Clarity Call, deciding to go for it herself…
she went back to ask for a small raise.
She stayed for a while longer…..reaching out again after more of the same.
Feeling stuck with financial obligations, and the “security” of many years at the same organization.