This week it’s “S” | Speaking
“Hello! Can you hear me?” we have all felt that from time to time. I have stood at counters at stores, feeling invisible. I have had to look down and check to see if I have entered an alternative universe. This may be a small irritation at a store, but in life when we need to show up and be visible, when we NEED to be heard, we must be heard!
For years I have helped my team learn some simple aspects to “SPEAKING”. We confuse talking with speaking and we often think of the words we say as our communication to others. “Well, I told you that before,” a team member might be telling a colleague. Why are we invisible or not heard sometimes?
We haven’t tapped into our deep voice of the soul, our presence. Our presence is the beginning of speaking or communicating. We must find ourselves inside before we can speak to others. How do we do that?
Our inner voice needs a bit of love before it can speak, what is inside of us? What are we attempting to get across to another? Not only the words, but the emotion of what we want to share. Let our words resonate with our inner self. Are we talking about the monthly financials to our team? Are we talking to our daughter about responsibility? How about when we have to share a touchy subject with our partner?
All of these speaking issues have common components that you can learn and use to enhance your effectiveness. Let’s explore those common tools.
1. Find your inner emotions about the subject so you can be in control of them. Do not let your emotions control your communication. Are you indifferent about the financials this month? I bet your boss isn’t? Get in a state that will be consistent with her state. Does she talk fast? Lean in, ask questions. Or is she more cerebral, monotone and detail oriented? Match her style, make sure your emotions about the subject match her emotions. We have all gotten along with someone quickly, more than likely your emotional state and your body language patterns were similar. You might not have noticed, but when we have similarities in tone, style and communication tendencies, we naturally connect, no effort needed. Learn more about this by investigating Neuro-Linguistic Programming, NLP.
2. Make a short outline of what you want to accomplish. Start with a big picture or context, frame the topic. In talking to your daughter about responsibility start by expressing to her your interest in her growth and plans for her growing up and being independent. Context, then details – beginning, middle and end. Wrap up with a summary.
3. Feel your inner power before you “speak”. Imagine the communication going VERY WELL. Don’t doubt. Imagine that you want to talk with your partner about needing a bit more one-on-one time. Imagine the conversation going well. Start with matching emotions with your partner. Then, put it in context of YOUR experience, not blaming and then imagine the conversation working out well.
This entire speaking PREP can take only a few minutes. As you practice this quick formula it will go very quickly, it will eventually be subconscious. Just like riding a bike, at first it is a tricky balancing act but soon enough you are riding carefree and enjoying the view from your bike!
All skills are like this. Practice it, awkward, awkward, aha moment, ease.
Comment and share, how a speech, communication, presentation or business meeting went for you using these tips.
Speaking is the expression of our soul, do it well, you deserve it! The fruits will come to you.
Are you living it?
Mo.Download the Idea Sheet