Is Your Family Showing Up At Work?

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Templates That Can HURT us

Togetherness is an interesting part of a most life because we all have to connect with other people, and we all have to be connected to others. There is no such thing as singularity in this world. It’s also a big part of a fulfilling career, and a great work environment. How we come Together with others has everything to do with the template OF our mind and OF our psyche. This “software” is hard-coded to how we relate both to authority figures and those under us. There is so much more, but this part is essential at having a great rapport with others, especially at work where so much of our time is spent.


While we were being raised, we learned how to relate to authority figures, our parents and those who are younger family members and friends, or those “beneath” us. Maybe it’s younger siblings, younger cousins, or people we’d played with in school. We have created a template of how we relate to those in hierarchical patterns. We bring that software template with us to work. You might notice that you’ve worked in a variety of different positions; maybe you’ve had three or four jobs in your career, maybe more. Have you noticed that there’s a repeating pattern, either with co-workers, subordinates, or bosses. I wouldn’t be surprised to know that those patterns might mirror the patterns you had, or have in your original family relationships. (We don’t need to psychoanalyze here, but reflect on these patterns).


If you’re trying to please a father, perhaps there’s male authority figures that you’re trying to please. If you’ve been shut down by a mother figure growing up, perhaps female authority figures are threatening to you, and you don’t ever want to approach them because you’re afraid of being shut down. This is not a therapy session, but from a very practical perspective, you can say that all of those relationships that were templated into your psyche as you were being raised; are things that you automatically do on a subconscious level. You can start to change them. Recognize they are likely from unmet needs. We carry those with us like baggage; no matter where we go, we bring our unmet needs with us.


At the workplace in particular, our unmet needs can affect our relationship with our boss, subordinates and coworkers. How we relate to those three levels within our organization, within our workplace, our department, our team can really have a negative effect if we’re bringing those unmet needs with us. Take a look this week. Are you fearful of authority? Are you looking for authority’s praise and recognition? What are those needs that you’re bringing to the table? Sometimes it’s different with a male or female authority figure. Is it different with male or female co-workers, or male and female subordinates.


Let’s get real clear on the template that we bring when we come together with others at work. It’s important to clean up those unmet needs that we have so we can have much more fulfilling and functional relationships in the workplace. Let’s get clear on that template. Let’s clean up some of those unmet needs. Let’s recognize them. That’s the first way we can stop the cycle that you may be repeating at your workplace. Are you wondering why you’ve never had a boss that’s been effective for you? Perhaps it’s what you’re bringing to the table?

This week for Togetherness, revisit your template and how that affects your work environment.

DOWNLOAD THE IDEASheet and get real with yourself, get honest. Be forgiving, however. Don’t judge yourself. Just get real.

Come Together in a great way, to be productive and come Together with your boss, coworkers and team members.

This is Mo Faul with Design It, Dream It, Live It.