What Difference Makes to Togetherness?

Welcome to MOST LIFE and this week it’s “T” for Togetherness.

We are on our 4th “D” of the 8 Dimensions of a MOST LIFE.

Direction, Decision, Delivery and now, Differentiation.

This week we talk about Togetherness in a whole new way. I am tackling Differentiation because Differentiation is how we DON’T have Togetherness. I have to tell you something, we all recognize things that are different and people who are different. This creates SEPARATION, not Togetherness! Sometimes and I push people away.

Why does this happen? Because we all have a primitive brain that is set up to protect us. Protect us from foes, from lions and tigers and bears, OH MY! In today’s society we don’t (often) have those types of attacks, but you know what? We all have that primitive brain, the amygdala. It reacts to things that are not “like” us. It reacts to things that are not in our world view, not in our paradigm. The amygdala also reacts to things that have hurt us in the past. (It’s there to protect us from further hurt.)

When we say, “NOPE that’s not me, that’s NOT how my world works and that HURT me in the past”, our amygdala jumps in to save us from danger. When we Differentiate and allow the primitive brain to run us, to rule our world, we push away things in those categories: NOT like me, NOT like my world view and HURT me in the past.

We make quick snap judgments AND REACT and PUSH AWAY to avoid the hurt.

So here is where my story comes into play. Tattoos. When I was young if you had a tattoo it meant you were on the “wrong side of the tracks.” So, when my step kids started wanting to get tattoos and all of their friends began to have tattoos, I was reacting! Amygdala kicked in!

NOT like me, NOT in my world view, a tattoo meant to me that you were not a good person. So you could imagine the challenge of parenting kids who wanted tattoos. It took me awhile to get over myself. But, after I moved on, I decided to ask myself a few of questions:

  1. What can I learn from this?
  2. What type of openness could I get out of this?
  3. How can I connect to this in a way that would be fun for me?

These are the best questions to ask when we are facing THE invader!

Ask these 3 questions when you are facing unusual and DIFFERENT things or people. Instead of staying in that STRESS state (you don’t want to be in it for too long), decide to learn and be intrigued. Enhance your curiosity. This is really the cure for Differentiation. Be curious about people who are different then you, be curious about things that don’t fit into your world view rather than push them away, bring it in for Togetherness.

I learned that tattoos are a great way of self expression. They are also a way to learn about someone. I have asked people about their tattoos and have gotten to know complete strangers because I find it as a way to connect with people. “Hey that’s an interesting tattoo” and immediately they will launch into a story about themselves.

It is self expression, people want to talk about themselves. This took me awhile to learn. It really creates connectedness with people I would have never thought I would connect with. I would have shut down my world and shrunk my world because I was Differentiating and allowing my primitive brain to rule me.

DON’T DO THAT! DON’T LET IT! Let’s take this week and reflect on:

Where are we Differentiating and pushing away and therefore creating a much smaller world?  What could we turn around and be curious about? What can I learn? How can I connect with this person? How can I have fun with this? Ask yourself questions so that you can have Togetherness at a higher level in your life.


Download this week’s IDEASheet. Go for it. Use these techniques to find out how you can gain more TOGETHERNESS!

Enjoy your week and I’ll see you next time for the next “D”.